Current Song: New Radicals – You Get What You Give
Happy New Year! Can’t believe how quickly December, the holidays, and ushering in 2018 has come and gone. Feels like it was a blur; started with a trip alongside some great friends across Europe visiting Copenhagen, Reykjavik, London, and Amsterdam – even checked off my 40th country I’ve visited along the way! Then, jetted off back home to be with family and friends for Christmas and New Years. I must say, there is just something about this time of year that just puts you in a great mood with a warm cozy feeling that is shared with all those around you. This year, the entire time I was filled with a mixture of 20 different polarized emotions – from joy to sadness, and everything in between – each one fighting to the top in hopes of being revealed. I’ll cover a few key ones that have hit me hard and continue to.
Thankful/blessed/grateful – I’m here alive in the flesh. Going back to Iceland exactly one year to the day to visit with the incredible medical team that saved my life was an experience I will never forget. I was fortunate enough to greet the doctors and nurses with big hugs and personally thank them. I came bearing small gifts of gratitude that included Starbucks coffee, Seattle keychains, and a card handwritten with my unsteady left hand. The looks on their faces and hearing them say they never have the opportunity to see their patients lives after recovery is something I just instinctively felt was the right thing to do and glad I got to hopefully be the reminder why it is worth it despite the long hours and difficult cases they may encounter day to day. Thank you to all you miracle medical workers for your profession and everything you do! I am lucky to be able to go full circle and is something that I will never forget for the rest of my life.
Love – It’s a word that is a touchy subject more than ever before in my life. Let’s start with family and friends – not a day goes by how lucky I am to have each and every one of you in my life. Near or far you can be sure to expect me to show up on your doorstep one day just to say hello or kick like we did last week or ten years ago. Now for the other kind of love, I always pictured that by this age I would be married and most likely starting a family. But yet here I am at 32, walking up to a hostess requesting a “table for one” and getting sat at the coffee house bar alone. This is all coming from the guy who has essentially had a girlfriend for almost exactly half my age. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. Have I made mistakes? Absolutely. It’s all a part of being human. Where it really matters and shows what type of person you are is how you handle it. I have choices – I can block out memories and feelings that will eat away at me, or feel it, like REALLY feel it and embrace it to move forward. I’ve done all I can do to attempt to reach out and get closure, but unfortunately have fallen on deaf ears; one can only do so much. I can’t lie, I’m scared. As much as I look tough on the outside and that I’m doing really well, I’m straight up scared and uneasy on the inside. But I’m learning that even if it hurts, even if it’s painful, you embrace it, deal with it and be upfront. So it’s time to open back to the idea of love again and to become emotionally available to do so. That’s how we learn and grow. How we become better individuals, better lovers, better partners. I will find love again one day and just need to stay hopeful.
Growth – While home for the holidays, I rummaged through all my old boxes of stuff from high school and found a bunch of my old cassette tapes and CD mixes (Love mix #11 was a classic) I used to rock in that Honda Civic amongst all the free AOL disks, overhead projector film, and classic Nintendo games. Finding all this brought back the memories of cruising the streets of Rockford with my best friend, rocking “K-Ci & Jojo – All My Life” on school field trips, and even the enchanted high school prom night. I wouldn’t change anything for the world. Each experience has allowed me to continue to be a better person. That’s the key – how do you continue to grow? Grow in your role at work – grow at mastering a new language – grow at being a home gardener. The point is you always strive to be better, doesn’t have to be drastic, but we can all be better at something. Along the way if you help someone also grow then that’s all that matters. What’s more important to you – what’s in the bag, box, wrapping paper of the present you received from your Grandma, brother, friend or the fact that someone thought of you? That is a gift that is just priceless and valued so much more than anything materialistic.
So what’s next? 2018 is off to a great start and am starting to get back into the normal swing of things after all the massive quantities of delicious home cooked food. I hope you all too had a full belly after some large quantities of food amoungst loved ones and washed it all down with some delicious egg nog 🙂 Much love for you all and wishing you a very blessed 2018 full of joy, happiness, and love. May you accomplish all you set out to achieve. It’s a new year so time to about face and start to get a move on this fresh slate. So let it go. Let it out. Start fresh 🙂 Cheers!
About-face 