Current Song
Ziggy Marley – True to Myself
Over the years I’ve become a believer in that everything happens for a reason. It just does, wanted or unwanted, things just happen – such as my blessing in disguise post that awakened me. It started to make me question what is actually a guarantee or certainty in life. What I’ve come to uncover is nothing; and that’s the beauty of it. Hell, not even the seasonal weather is these days with all the extremes from warm to cold in the course of one week. Whether you play it safe and live in a bubble or sky dive everyday, we all die one day. The unselfish perspective is what is the life and legacy you want to leave behind? Fact is our time is limited and we can’t buy or acquire more of it. Can’t get to that project today, but I’ll do it tomorrow. I don’t have time this month to grab dinner, but I’ll for sure make time next month. Then before we know it it’s days, weeks, months, years later and we are still yet to do it. If you aren’t already raising your hand you should be because it’s happened to all of us. Big or small, I’ll be first to admit guilty as charged. Why? Well, ironically enough we often apply efforts and focus on the things in our lives that are nothing more than illusions or habits disguised as what we desire and consider our paradise. Let’s explore…
A few years ago I was certainly in great shape. Exercised 4-5 times a week, ate relatively healthy (confess I still had my vices), and was constantly on the move. Staying fit has always been a goal and knew it would leave me alive and well for many years to come. Circa 2016 and boom down I go in a blink of an eye. Wasn’t anywhere near my radar or those around me. My hypothesis of what I once knew was disproved and went out the window. I felt cheated. Mislead. Singled out. Downright angry. As the weeks carried on being in the hospital and going through rehab to relearn the life basics from how to put pants on to slicing up my face attempting to shave, my attitude was shit. Hell even told my parents I wanted to end it all. Definitely not my finest moment, but ironically it kinda is. I had hit my rock bottom and my poor parents were there to witness it. I yelled, cried, swore every single emotion without holding back. Nevertheless it was beautiful. We were together as a family, and learned no matter what they would be there for me.
As I regained conciousiness I craved for reassurance and certainty from doctors to my parents that I would recover and be back to my normal self. Truth was that no one could give me that. I longed for it and in some cases even begged for it countless times. Then I learned over time that all I needed it to come from was myself. I am in control of my life and destiny. So I focused on what was certain; my ass was going to fight back and would take whatever uncertain result I would get. And fight I did and will do for the rest of my life. My prognosis after 2.5 years has been great, but have seen it flatline over the past year. Yeah it definitely sucks, and has me really bummed out at times, but I live on for the belief of uncertainty. It was the Aha moment I was looking for.
Uncertainty is actually what we live in yet seek for certainty which is eventually what breaks us. If I work hard at this job then I’ll get a promotion in a couple years then I’ll be in a better place. Walk into work the next day and poof you’re laid off. Obviously, it’s probably a low chance, but the possibility is still there. It’s our nature as humans to crave certainty. I just keep going because I know I have a much larger purpose of being here. Been doing plenty of self reflection and writing over the past year and working towards doing a TED talk. Not an if, it’s a when. I’ve been busy disecting and seeking to understand life. I won’t know it all nor do I want to. As long as I have the right attitude, then I’m ready for anything thrown at me.
So I go back and ask you, what is the life and legacy you want to leave behind? I’m sure it’s not working the 40, 50, 80hrs on something you don’t really love or doesn’t contribute to your overall purpose. I want be famous and known for living it up with ultimate resilience to anything thrown my way. That in itself has no dollar value amount and can be passed on to touch lives years and generations post my life. “Look at my own life with insignificance and the impact to others as the real never ending significance” – Jason Flores. If I get my ass hit by a car tomorrow I’m good with it because I would have lived it up every day. I would absolutely die in peace and content. I know as humans we are complex AF, but we need to realize that it’s what defines us. Enjoy the gift of uncertainty and raise the middle finger to certainty my rockstar friends 🙂 Hope you all had a great Easter and kick ass!
About-face 